Thursday, September 26, 2002
First Re-clap needed

Charlotte Daughhetee‑Counseling, Leadership and Foundations
Paul Preston‑Business Administration
David Callaghan‑Theater
Scott Meyer‑Art
Kristin Gilbert‑Psychology
Michael Patton‑Philosophy

MCs: Greg Reece and Elmo Ranelli

And the Oar goes to...

Michael Patton (at last!)

In what some bitter losers are already calling “The Year of the Pity Paddle,” roughly 350 people watched Philosophy end its 4-year drought and walk away with the coveted oar in the Fifth Annual Life Raft Debate.

In a performance that was by turns witheringly dialectical, side-splittingly funny, relentlessly logical, rhetorically dazzling and, to sum it up, just plain right, Michael Patton won a hotly contested 3-way re-vote against Scott Meyer from Art and David Callaghan for Theatre, last year’s winning discipline.

The other three contestants, Charlotte Daughhetee from Counseling, Leadership, and Foundations, Kristen Gilbert, from Psychology, and Paul Preston, from Business Administration, watched in awe as they swallowed water and saw Patton climb aboard the raft.

As a purely disinterested observer, I can say it was the finest event in the annals of human history. As for the issue of it being a pity vote, as Philosophy has never won, even after four attempts, I say this: Professor Callaghan could stage a play about pity, Professor Gilbert could discuss the mechanism of pity, Professor Daughhetee could help one work through feelings of pity, Professor Meyer render pity artistically, and Professor Preston could exploit pity to sell us widgets. But it falls to the philosopher to discover the proper role of pity in the good life, and I tell you this — If pity was the cause of my victory, then it has played its proper role in human affairs.