THURSDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2013

Brett Noerager--Biology
Steve Parker--Sociology
Scott Varagona--Mathematics
Richmond West--Eastern Philosophy
Pearce Durst--Rhetoric
Kevin Hope--Devil's Advocate

MC: Michael Patton

And the oar goes to…

Scott Varagona of Mathematics!

It was a night that was bound to be historic. At the very least, another discipline would win for the second time (Philosophy, Sociology), a single person would win the oar for the second time (Steve Parker) or one discipline would win for the third time (Mathematics).

Brett Noerager led off the evening, explaining that Biology required one to deal with pee, poo and pus, that there was a 5% chance that humans were not responsible for global warming and that God was mad at humanity for something the Astros did.

Steve Parker followed, arguing that sociology was some sort of master science that studied all relationships between everything, everywhere and so would be able to knit us all into one harmonious group in the new world, presumably singing Kumbaya all day and night.

Scott Varagona argued that Mathematics was always with us, like a stalker, and that without math’s constant, creepy presence, we would have a much worse civilization in the next world

Next, Richmond West said that Eastern Philosophy entails that he does not exist, and neither do we. If I followed correctly, this means that as soon as we all admit we don’t exist, we will stop fighting each other and harmony will reign in the land. He also said that Yoda would agree with him.

And finally, Pearce Durst said that everyone used Rhetoric all the time, at least when they were arguing or trying to persuade anyone of something. Since it could be used for good or evil, we’d be well-advised to bring an expert on rhetoric on the raft to ensure that there would be no foul play in the new society.

In the aftermath (get it?) of all the debate, defense, name-calling and baseball analysis, Scott walked away with the oar. With over 800 in attendance and over 600 votes cast, with a record number coming from our largest online audience ever, Mathematics became the first discipline to win three debates.

Now someone has to figure out how to beat them next year…