Kevin Hope--Physics
Gregory L. Reece--Religious Studies
Stephen Craft--Business
Stephanie Batkie--Medieval Literature
Emily Gill--Costume Design

MC: Steve Parker

And the oar goes to…

Dr. Kevin Hope from Physics!

Maybe it was all the water surrounding the life raft. Or maybe it’s that I am teaching ancient Greek philosophy this semester where one of the earliest figures declared that “All is water.” Or maybe it’s all the pain meds. But whatever the cause, after extensive bios from all concerned, it sure seemed like everyone on the panel last night was in an awfully reductive mood.

First, Kevin Hope (Physics) declared that everything was physics, then returning champion Stephanie Batkie (Medieval Literature), declared that all was Rhetoric, after claiming all her strengths were useless and that statistics were against her. Next up, Gregory L. Reece (Religious Studies) claimed that Religious Studies lay at the base of everything, followed by Emily Gill’s (Costume Design) impassioned defense of the necessity of putting stuff on our heads and then by Stephen Craft’s (Business) assertion that all was business. And so began the 14th Annual Life Raft Debate, for good and for ill. Along the way the audience was treated to

• Emily Gill’s dance performance with a giant, electrified headset that lit up the stage,

• Stephanie Batkie’s prowess with wireless microphones that proved difficult to operate for people without Ph.D.s in Medieval Literature

• Stephen Craft’s claim that everything except reproduction was business

• Kevin Hope’s jibe that if we didn’t take business with us on the life raft to begin with, we wouldn’t have to bail them out later

• Gregory Reece’s revelation that werewolves were on our side in the grand scheme of things

• The fact that nerds watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Well, to be fair, maybe we already knew that last one.

Throughout the proceedings, MC Stephen Parker kept everyone but himself under control and made sure that the debate concluded with a minimum of violence as over 600 votes were tallied and Kevin Hope sailed away into the Brave New World leaving the squabbling of the others to slowly gurgle away beneath the pitiless waves. I sure hope he’s planning his strategy for next year!